So there’s this thing called trust. It’s a simple affair really, one between your strength of character, your nature and the quietly residing layer of respect given by another. Trust lives in us all, be it the good kind or his close cousin, mistrust. The problem with trust though is that it can be gained, lost, sacrificed or just not accepted at all. These things are somewhat acceptable in the myriad number of events and circumstances that lead to the status of trust between us but when its flaunted and abused like something easily disposable it can quickly lead to a vacuum of self-doubt and unintentional/intentional disrespect.
Some people don’t trust, that’s fine. These people may take it upon themselves to put people through a series of tests before they open up any layers and begin to lend some belief in what another is saying. Others trust straight away without doubt, this is a little more dangerous but can lend itself to an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment when that trust is returned and heartfelt.
Then there are those who find a healthy level of trust, which is usually coupled with respect and the education of learning what somebody is like. This is the most common I feel. The one where those who understand each other trust because it’s the reward gained from constant respect and the notable lack of abuse. This is the kind I believe in the most as blindly walking into something is questionable but also demonstrating a Godlike want for all to perform like monkeys is pure craziness.
Marriage ascertains a certain degree of trust. Most would hope that a relationship so devoted that children can be spawned – and loved – so effectively would cement a divine trust and respect between those involved. To have a child is to create life and those who create life should be the mothers and fathers our children look up to. Thus, no abuse should ever be forthcoming of this trust, this co-habitation of two lives mutually dedicated to establishing the roots of a family (or merging with them) and raising seeds to forests.
But then this is my view, one of billions. The idea of this notion is merely that in itself, a notion built upon my self-educated view of what a lifetime with others entails. Respect, I think that’s the defining benchmark of trust and its foundations. To respect someone and place some of your own fragility in their hands is another divinity in the world, especially in these times. But do we baulk and flex when we suspect something is off? Do we shudder the foundations to such a degree that respect seemingly turns to ashes and the question of one’s character is raised?
This is the issue I have with those who find themselves guilty of pledging themselves to serve a future together only to offer up this trust quicker than the sun turns to dark. One question, or even less and the respect becomes a biting shard in the side. Stupid frivolities become poison in the minds of the scared to such a degree that the fearful turn their apprehension and suspicion (as unfounded as it may be) on those they love and fear loosing.
The overwhelming downside to all of this is of course the plague that begins to infect the relationship and the foundations. What we have done falls into the fire: hard work, children and our love of them, want, choice, dedication and love again for our partners… the facets of our relationships are insurmountable. But still, these things can be shot down and deflated with the simplest of abuse. If we start to use trust and quote it like an old poem it becomes nothing more than a tactic or even worse, a shadow of what it once was and little more than another thing lost in the fire.
Insidiousness in the way it works, it also questions our faith in others and our very nature and character. We begin to question ourselves as ridiculous as that may be even when faced with nothing more than suspicions and off hand remarks designed to hurt us, perhaps, or to just help an accuser defend themselves pro-actively. The worst thing in this labour is the disrespect and loyalty lost. Something gets eaten away and we’re left with self-doubt as I mentioned before. We become self-concious, concerned that we may do something that warrants suspicion as innocent as they may be.
It’s simply unfair. To have to act a certain way or quieten those things that tend to make another worry just to keep them from the very worrying we know they’ll have anyway. We continue on as normal, but like lights in the fog some things raise stupid questions and unwarranted accusations to the point of ridicule.
In my view those who find themselves suspicious should sit down and think about their motives and what the hell it is they have to be suspicious about. Weigh the one-side against the other, the pros and cons, the gains and loses and really think hard about what it is they’re asking. If I were them I think I would do this before I even open my mouth and even when I do it would be to speak with them and not to accuse with a harrowing pointed finger or an off hand comment.
It hurts to be mistrusted, to have someone question your character and to question your devotion to something you love more than life. Every time someone shows a little distrust in you it’s like a slap in the face. If we show you respect and never question your motives when doing things – on the sole basis that we trust you and believe in you and ‘us’ – then the least you could do is return the gesture.
